The magic that is life comes from the ability to transform what is fearful and hurtful into calm…into beauty and soothing. Unfortunately many of us have not been taught the magical touch or tasks it takes to transform fear or many other feelings into calm or centered confidence and competent grounded-ness. We are taught to NOT: not be angry; not be sad; not be down; not be disappointed; not be afraid. The truth is that we are not being these things; we are feeling them.
Here’s the key to managing feelings– feel the feeling and release the energy of that feeling in order to let go or release the feeling. Feelings are energy in your emotional body because you have been hurt and disappointed, or because someone causes harm to you. It may even be because a boundary of yours has been stepped on or over. Guess what, we all have reactions to being hurt or disappointed or blessed or affirmed. And we should have these natural reactions to life’s experiences. Our feelings tell us when something is working or not working for us. Without our feeling navigator we are walking blindly through the world and cannot keep ourselves safe, or embrace the goodness that is presented to us. Not feeling feelings causes much more damage than naming them and identifying what you need to be safe and sound to embrace life.
Of course, we all know people who cannot self manage their feelings. Instead, they spew all over others and make others responsible for them. I’m not talking about a free for all spewing of feelings just because you have them. That’s just not skillful and bless people’s hearts for they are being invited to gather some skills. I’m talking about owning, naming and discerning your feelings (past/present) from your needs (past/present). So often we have feelings/needs from our past that were not met and that create a reaction or rather over-reaction to the present. They often contaminate our current life and interactions with people.
Here’s the thing! We get to discern our past from our current experiences. We get to own, name and feel our feelings, and come out the other side (really it’s just a step into and through). We identify what we need to be safe and sound inside and outside of ourselves. If we know what we feel, we will know what we need. If we know what we need, we have a much better chance of getting those needs met. If you don’t know what you need, then I can guarantee you will have no chance of getting your needs met because you won’t be asking yourself or others to meet those needs. (And by the way there is no way anyone can read your mind so you might as well give up on the little girl or little boy psychology that if they really knew you they would know what you need).
Break the mind meld (that we have been taught, that to feel is bad) and honor the beautiful array of feelings that are a part of your birthright: joy delight surprise sadness disappointment pissed off frustration hurry calm peace vulnerability excitement love to name a few! Enjoy the brilliance of feelings and honor your birthright to be a fully engaged and alive being living a fully engaging and magical life. With all its joys and sorrows as each and all bring the depth and breadth to the vast experiences, every one of us has the opportunity to live.
Happy and magical trails to you!